How many ways to die

Lately, I find myself thinking about people who die in car accidents. So many people, every day, gone in the blink of an eye. What an awful way to lose someone..no sense of closure or any time to reconcile past issues. Just like that, life is gone. It makes me understand even more how fragile our lives are. When my mind goes to that place where I begin pondering my own death, I am thankful that, thus far, I have not been taken in such an abrupt way. If this disease I am battling ultimately ends in death, at least I was given time to make it a point to appreciate life. Every single day is such a blessing. I watched the movie Koyaanisqatsi, which in the hopi language means "life out of balance". I see how everyone scurries about, with so many things they think they need to be doing but really...we have made living too complicated. I have found a renewed sense of appreciation for the smallest things, because it is those things that make life balance. Looking outside and noticing the speed and patterns of the clouds going by my window, listening to the birds communicate their secrets with each other, looking into the eyes of my dog...these things always brought me enjoyment before, but now they bring me inspiration. I have never felt so much happiness after seeing a small green blade of a new wildflower creeping up in my garden. I put the seed in the soil, watered it, and sent love to it, hoping that it would result in life. Even though this flower will eventually wither and die, it is here now for me to enjoy and I am so thankful for that. If I allow my mind to wander from the present moment to the future, I feel the sadness creeping from the thought of this flower not being here forever. But at that point, I take my mind back and place it in the moment, with the flower and I happily existing with no expiration date on the horizon. The balance of my life now comes from understanding that an existence on this earth is limited to every single person; we all have an expiration date, be it cancer or a drunk driver who kills us. However, if we spend every moment enjoying the smallest pleasures this 3rd rock from the sun has to offer, who really cares how long it will last? Be here now, and then exist on forever within the secrets of the universe. With that thought in mind, it makes it hard for me to fear death.